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What Do We Really Want From Sex As We Age?

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  • What Do We Really Want From Sex As We Age?

    Two hands of an old couple, lying upon each other, with golden wedding rings


    Recently over coffee, a friend complained that none of her friends seemed to want to talk about their sex lives any more. Bear in mind, we are both hovering around 70. You might be thinking, "Of course your peers don't want to talk about their non-existent sex lives."
    And you would be wrong. Several of my aging women friends have healthy libidos and a strong sense of themselves as sexual people. But they are sad that health issues get in the way.
    Despite my friend's regret that her friends did not want to open up, as a sexual health educator, other women have been more chatty with me.

    "I miss it", said one. "It's not like we aren't loving with each other, but I miss sex, the way we used to enjoy it."
    "I feel a sense of loss", said another. Because of my partner's medication, his libido is completely gone. He is happy to please me when I initiate, but it feels so one-sided."

    "We've worked something out," said a woman whose husband is disabled due to a stroke. In other words, they have figured out how to be sexual by getting around the impediments.

    "My partner is like a teenager. In his early '70s, he is ready -- and able -- at any time."

    "When my husband was in his early '80s, he found that he was unable to have an orgasm after his prostate surgery, so intercourse went on too long and too painfully. We finally just gave it up."

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